Because of You
by bauerfreak
Summary: Kingsized Snicker angst! My take on Sara's angstiness ways.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Heyyyyyyy. So I should be updating my chapter fics, but I've been wanting to get an angsty one out. So cliché – it's a damsel in distress one again. I wish George Eads would come sweep me off my feet. sigh This will be a two-shot, I think, so please enjoy and review!

"I'm sorry, Sara. There's nothing else we can do!" Gil tried to explain to the headstrong CSI calmly, but his voice showed his frustration. "We can't help everybody."

"And I'm just supposed to accept that?" She practically yelled back, dropping the case file on his desk angrily. Sara turned around and fled from her boss's office, in tears. She didn't notice Nick Stokes to the right of the door as she ran off to the left, out to the parking lot.

Gil sighed and leaned back in his chair. There was just no winning with Sara Sidle. She threw her life and emotions into her cases, something he hardly ever did, every single time. He had to admire her heart, but she let her job beat her into the ground. Gil had explained to her time and time again that the court system lagged behind and it took time to protect beaten women and their children. Today, they had just found the dead body of a mother, and the children were found at a nearby motel with the ex-husband. Sara had reacted less than professionally. Gil knew her history, though, and understood where she was coming from.

Nick Stokes walked in rather timidly, having seen the tail end of their interaction. Sara Sidle was a pistol, he knew, letting her emotions toy with her job. He'd been accused of such things before too. It was something that just came naturally; an instinct. And instincts don't go away.

"Tough case?" He asked his boss, who had his face buried in one of his hands.

"That's an understatement. Sara always gets a little too involved." Gil said, looking up at the young CSI, offering a 'that's how it is' smile.

"Warrick and I just wrapped our case. Do you mind if I take a fifteen minute break?"

"By all means." Gil told him. He could use a bit of a break too, having dealt with Sara's emotions all day.

Nick nodded and proceeded out of his office and down the hallway to the break room.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Sara Sidle got into her Denali and locked the doors. She always parked far away from the entrance off to a corner, because this sort of things happened occasionally. Dammit. She'd let her emotions get way too involved again. Sara hated that it happened, but she really couldn't control it. Every case that involved an abused woman or children sent her off the deep end, and it had cost her. She'd been suspended before and committed countless acts of insubordination. Sara decided she needed to calm down before she snapped at someone. She switched on the ignition and reached for the radio, finding a song that fit her mood.

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

_I will not break away from you, I fell so hard _

_I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I've learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you, I am afraid_

_I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out_

_I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life_

_My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with_

Sara let herself cry, her hair falling in front of her face in a curtain that hid her from the world. She was so damn tired - Physically exhausted, and emotionally haywire from it all. She was tired of pouring herself into her work and seemingly getting nothing back. What did it matter when crap like this always happened? Cases like this always took her back – back to a childhood she would rather forget. She let herself cry some more as the song continued.

Nick Stokes left the break room when he didn't find Sara there, and went searching. From what he could tell, she was pretty distraught from this case. He couldn't just leave her like Grissom could when she was so upset. Nick and Sara had been good friends for years, and he now knew how to read her like a book. When she ran, she usually went to her car and cried. He usually tried to give her some space while she calmed down, but decided that approach wouldn't work today. Exiting the building, he found her Denali in its usual spot – the back right corner of the lot, away from everything else.

As he neared the car, he could hear the music up loud. Kelly Clarkson. It was bad if she was listening to Kelly. His heart broke when he saw her form crouched up, her shoulders heaving slightly as tears racked her body. Nick sighed and stopped for a moment, wondering if he should really interrupt her. He went with his gut instinct and walked slowly to her door, then tapping on the window.

The sound visibly startled Sara, and she looked to see what it was. Sara was mortified to see that Nick had come to check on her. Well, maybe not mortified, but a little embarrassed. She quickly tried to cover up the fact that she'd been crying, wiping at her eyes and straightening her hair. Sara knew this wouldn't do the trick with Nick. The man could always see right through her. Sara rolled down the window to come face to face with a concerned Texan.

"What are you doing, Nick?" She asked defensively.

Nick put an arm on her door when the window was rolled all the way down. He just studied Sara for a moment, letting her know he wasn't buying the 'don't disturb me, I'm fine' mentality she so often took. Sara sighed, looking down at her lap, where her hands were nervously fidgeting with each other. Nick reached out and grasped her chin gently, turning her face again to him.

"You've been crying." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"So sue me. I got a little emotional." She moved her head to free herself from Nick's hand and he allowed her.

"Sar, don't be ashamed." He told her "We're all not robots like Grissom. There's the human element involved. We can't help but get attached sometimes."

Sara stayed silent, not knowing what he wanted her to say. She kept her eyes straight ahead, not wanting to see the caring nature of his eyes. It would probably send her back into tears.

"This case is different though." He proclaimed. "You're more upset than usual."

"Nick, I…" She stopped and stared at him like he was a teacher making her explain something she didn't want to. Nick could sense she really wasn't comfortable, so he started to walk around the front of the Denali to the other door. Sara unlocked it and let him in, a little reluctantly. Sara cared for him a lot, but sometimes she wished he would just leave her alone when she got emotional. Damn his chivalry. Sara buried her face in her left hand as he let out a deep sigh. She was surprised when Nick immediately took her hand in his and shook it a little.

"Sar…"

"What?"

"Talk to me. Why's this case got you all worked up?"

Sara had long since told him about her childhood. He knew the answer, but he also knew it helped to get it out. She needed to get out what she was thinking, but Sara didn't like to do that. Keeping it bottled up meant that no one else would be bothered with it. She could own it and take some burden off the rest of the world and the people around her.

When she didn't answer, he decided to be more direct.

"Did it bring back some memories?" He was leaning over, trying to look her in the eye, but she wouldn't. Sara hated for anyone to see her broken. She'd known Nick for years, but something inside her still made her hold back and not trust him fully. Because of you, mom, she thought. And because of you, dad.

Finally, Sara nodded slowly. Yeah, it brought back some memories, to say the least. Now he'd probably want her to talk about them. She hated how he wouldn't let her get away with anything.

Instead of probing, Nick just waited in silence while he allowed Sara to compose herself. She knew what he was going to ask next, and wanted her to take a positive step for herself. After a minute or so, she finally started.

"It's just not fair, you know?" She started crying again a little, putting a hand to her mouth. "Those kids don't have a mom any more, Nick. And they have a horrible father. They're going to be put into the damn system. I've been through it, I know how much it hurts."

Nick rubbed her knuckles in support, watching her face intently the entire time. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"What kind of fucking system won't protect women and kids when they need it, then basically repossess the kids into a freaking pure lottery hell. There aren't enough good families out there. It's so lonely, Nick. Being shuffled around like that."

Sara was seething again, taking in painful, quick breaths as she struggled to control herself again.

"I know it's hard to watch, Sara." He told her. "I don't know what it's like to be in foster care, but I know you went through an ordeal. Watching kids have to go into that situation must be…unbearable for you.

Sara laughed humorlessly, finally looking him in the eye for the first time.

"It's like watching myself go through hell again."

Nick paused for a few moments, pondering what to say.

"Sara, I know you know this. But you really need to get out more. You're letting work get to you too much."

"I'm not a very social person."

"I'm not saying go out and party, because I know you're not like that. Would you wanna come to my place after shift? We can just hang out and watch a movie, order bad Chinese." He smiled, hoping she would take.

Sara thought for a few moments. She guess that wouldn't be too bad, but he was probably just trying to get her to share more of her emotions with him. Real smooth, Nicky.

"Um….okay?"

"Was that a question?"

"No…I mean yes." She shook her head at her stupidity. "I'd like that."

"Great." Nick looked at his watch. "Grissom's probably looking for me. We've got about four hours left. You wanna follow me after work?"

"Yeah, that sounds fine." Sara told him, trying not to sound a little bit excited. It wasn't the best circumstances to be asked on a semi-date with Nick Stokes, but it would do. Wait, she shouldn't be calling this a date, he was just trying to be a good friend. Or was he?

Nick let his look linger a little bit too long, sending shivers up Sara's spine under his gaze. Sara had been to his apartment a handful of times, just as friends, hanging out watching sports. He didn't know why he felt a twinge of excitement, but he did. Nick mentally kicked himself, reminding himself she was coming over so he could make her feel better. He could think of some more ways to make her feel better….dammit, stop, Nick!

"So I'll meet you in the break room at end of shift." Nick finally snapped out of it. Sara turned off the car and they both got out. The sun would be coming up soon, and soon shift would be over. They walked back into CSI Las Vegas together, Sara feeling a little better thanks to Nick. Both kept stealing glances at each other, and finally they both turned their heads at the same time by mistake, catching each other's longful gazes. Quickly, they snapped their heads forward again, smirking slightly. Four more hours.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, guys! Sorry about the delay. This turns a bit smutty, so if you don't like, don't read. For those sick ones amongst us…enjoy! Throw me a note or something!

Sara was giddy as a schoolgirl, and she couldn't figure out why. Well, yeah she could – that was easy. Friggin' sexy Nick Stokes had actually invited her back to his apartment after soothing her back to sanity back at the lab. What she couldn't understand was how she went so quickly from shakingly upset to gah-gah. Did she have a crush on Nick Stokes? The aw-shucks frat boy Texan she'd been working with for six years? She couldn't believe he'd had this kind of affect on her after so many years. Sure, they'd flirted over db's, but nothing more than friendly banter. But now that he had finally gotten rid of his hideous haircut, Nick was sexier than ever.

Sara followed behind Nick's manly Silverado in her wimpy Dodge Neon (A/N: This is what I drive!), patting the steering wheel excitedly. At a stoplight, she realized how worked up she was and sat on her hands. She stared at the back of his head at the light, and damn! Even the back of his head was sexy! Sara wondered what other type of head was….STOP IT! STOP IT!

They pulled into his apartment parking lot, a familiar scene for Sara, but somehow it seemed different. She took a deep breath before she got out of her car, Nick waiting for her at his truck.

"That's quite a set of wheels you've got goin' on there, Sara. How many horses is that? Twenty?" He joked, showing his laugh lines, lighting up his whole face.

"Ha, ha." She played along. "It gets me from A to B, that's all that matters."

"You want me to cut a hole in the bottom so you can run faster?"

Sara pushed at his chest, feeling the firmness beneath. He barely budged, and then started walking towards his door.

"C'mon, let's get some dinner ordered."

His apartment was exactly how she remembered it. The walls seemed a strange color for a guy, and it was well-kept from what she could see. A huge Texas University rug plastered the living room floor, reminding Sara of his southern charm that drove her crazy.

Just like her apartment, Nick had take out menus plastered all over his refrigerator. He pulled off about five of them as Sara sat down on the couch. Nick laid out the menus of different varieties for his guest to choose.

"They're all awesome." He told her. "But my favorite is Fat Boy's Chinese." Nick picked up the menu and handed it to her. "If you're still in the mood." The Texan leaned back on the couch, lacing his hands behind his head and propping his boot-clad feet on the table. Sara admired how he always seemed so relaxed. He seemed to know just the right balance of being concerned and taking it easy. It seemed so effortless to Nick, and Sara wished she was more like him.

Sara glanced over the menu and decided it looked good. She picked out a dinner, and Nick ordered, asking for it to be delivered. Sara knew there was no point in arguing about who was paying – Nick was a perfect gentleman, but she'd ask anyways.

"So, you still love your apartment?" She asked him as he came back to the couch. He casually threw his arm over the couch, behind her. Sara self-consciously leaned forward, in case he didn't realize what he was doing and then misconstrued what she was doing.

"You mean since Nigel Crane?" He asked, referring to the stalker that had lived in his attic. Sara smiled uncomfortably. She hadn't meant to reference his stalking, not knowing if it still bothered him. Nick smiled and breathed in deeply. "It bothered me for a while, but if I let him chase me out of my own home, he'd be winning, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah, I guess." She shrugged. "I didn't mean to bring it up."

"'S'alright." He smiled, and she could swear he was looking at her different. Sara felt so weak at the fact her childhood still affected her cases, and Nick was seemingly unaffected by some pretty intense things. He'd been stalked and buried alive, and apart from a few freak outs, Nick handled himself with the utmost grace. No one would know all these awful things happened to him if they didn't work with him. And Sara…she was just a freak. She'd let her childhood overtake her life and control her emotions and relationships with others. More than ever in her life, she prayed it wouldn't mess up this chance right now.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked her, catching her current glazed over look. Nick would sometimes catch her daydreaming, her mind wandering. Sara would always shrug it off and get straight back to work, but he always wondered what she was really thinking about. He knew it was about something awful that had happened to her, because he would do the same thing.

His words snapped her back to reality.

"Oh, nothing." She chuckled, trying to shrug it off, but Nick wasn't buying.

"Sara." He started, sitting up. "Obviously, it was something."

"Nick…"

"Sara, you were staring off into nothing for a good thirty seconds. Don't tell me it's nothing. I know you're a space cadet sometimes, but you were thinking about something deep."

Sara had been looking away, at anything but him, while he was talking. He'd caught her in one of her trances. How did he read her so well? Sara felt strangely safe at the fact he'd called her on it and seemed genuinely concerned. Nick could tell he had uncovered something, but she still wasn't talking, but didn't change the conversation. He took a chance and reached out, taking her hand in his.

At the contact, Sara's head turned and she looked into his concerned eyes. It made her want to tell him everything, but didn't want him to think any less of her.

"You can tell me. I'm a good listener, remember?" His thumb stroked the space between hers and her forefinger. "Is it about your childhood?"

Sara nervously shook her head. "Yeah." She whispered. "Yeah, I just…accidentally start thinking about it sometimes, you know?" Sara looked to him, hoping for understanding and got more. His mere presence and the way he was looking at her made her feel so comforted; so at ease. She knew this was hard to come by; Sara had something special in Nick.

"Yeah." He offered a small smile. "It's not on accident. It's a part of your past, for better or worse. Don't be ashamed of it."

"That's the thing. I can't let it go. It's always there, invading my personal life. I can't…" She stopped, getting frustrated.

Nick reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Sara shuddered at the simple touch that sent fire through her body.

"You can, Sara. If you try. You can't shut it out all the time. Look at how well you're doing. You should be so proud. You graduated from Harvard, and you work at the number two crime lab in the country. And your…amazing, Sara." Nick continued stroking her hair and started to lean into her, waiting for permission. Sara's mouth was opened, taken aback by his sudden confession. Someone thought she was amazing? Sara started to lean in towards Nick, when suddenly the doorbell rang.

Both CSI's quickly looked away and let out a huge gasp of air. They'd both been holding their breath the last few seconds.

"I'll get that." Nick said, a little embarrassed by what had almost happened. He'd dreamed about that for years, and Fat Boy's Chinese had blown it.

Nick opened the door to the Asian delivery man, practically throwing the money at him, and taking the food. He'd almost kissed Sara Sidle, dammit! As he walked back to the couch, Sara had flipped on the TV and found Forensic Files, something she knew they'd both like.

"Dinner is served." Nick announced, taking the boxes out of the bag and setting them on the table. Sara smiled as she started to dig into the boxes. Nick had ordered plenty, knowing about her outrageous appetite. Not many people knew about that, reaffirming to Sara that Nick was such a close and trusted friend.

They chatted a little about some of the techniques they were using on the show, and about lighter things. Sara found herself laughing again and enjoying herself in the presence of Nick. His genuine laugh made her feel whole inside, like she was really important to him, and she was.

Nick and Sara had almost finished their dinner fifteen minutes later. Nick put his box down on the table, standing up. As he sat down, he scooted a little closer to Sara, who was still working on hers. Nick just studied her for a minute or so, delighting in the way she laughed at the commercials, and then seemed so fascinated by the content of the show. Her face would turn so serious, gobbling up everything about the show. She mindlessly worked the noodles into her mouth with her chopsticks, which she cradled effortlessly in her long, slender fingers. Suddenly, she became aware she was being watched. She swallowed and turned her head to see Nick staring back at her, an amused grin on his face.

"What?" She smiled.

"Nothing." He told her, and sat up, noticing a tiny bit of sauce in the corner of her mouth. "You have some sauce." He told her in almost a whisper. Nick's hand tentatively moved to cup her neck, and he turned her face a little. Gentle as could be, Nick moved in slowly and licked the sauce from the corner of her mouth, letting his tongue linger.

Sara let out a little gasp as she felt his warm tongue on her mouth. She forgot to breath momentarily, as he pulled back slightly to gauge his reaction. Sara stared back at him, not knowing what to think. She'd wanted that forever, but was it right? It felt perfect.

Sara's eyes traveled down to his lips, his thumb tracing an invisible line on her chin. She leaned in and joined her lips with his, feeling the soft, supple flesh beneath. Immediately, his lips began working against hers, kissing gently and sweetly, lightly brushing against each other. After a few moments, they both pulled back, breathing deeply. Resting her forehead against his, Sara knew Nick was what she wanted and needed, and she could tell he was smitten also.

Sara's lips once more descended on his with more fervor. She pushed back with more energy before, leaving no doubt about her intentions. Nick's hands went to her waist as he dipped his tongue out, licking at her lips, begging

for entrance. Sara used her weight to push him back against the back of the couch while his tongue invaded her mouth, massaging at hers in a perfect rhythm. She straddled his lap, his hands going up under her shirt at the back, stroking at her perfect skin.

Nick's lips attached themselves to the skin just below her ear, and placed open-mouthed kiss all over her neck, as he felt her respond to him. Sara was breathing in heavily now, and he could see the desire in her eyes, but underneath that, he still saw hurt. She took one of his hands and placed it on her left breast, causing both of them to stop their attack on each other's bodies.

"Help me forget." Sara whispered to him. "Make it all go away."

Nick's hand traveled from her breast up to her collarbone, searching her eyes. He couldn't take advantage of her when she was hurting so much. Nick didn't want her to regret their first time together.

His hand rubbed at the skin on her collarbone and shoulder, and he gave her a slow, loving kiss to the mouth. When he pulled back, confused eyes met him.

Sara thought he didn't want her. She always threw herself at men emotionally, and never seemed to get anything back. Sara was hurt that it seemed to be happening again, so she moved to get off his lap. Nick's hands stopped her, clutching at her hips.

"Not yet, Sara." He whispered, kissing her again gently. "I want our first time to be out of love, not out of hurt."

Sara's heart melted at his words. She shouldn't known Nick better than to think he would push her away. He liked her; no he loved her; and he couldn't take her when she was so vulnerable. She was too important and special to him. Sara allowed herself a small smile, and she returned the kiss.

The kiss quickly turned sensual again, the sound of wet lips working together filled the evening air, his hand gently splaying at the bare skin on her back again.

"Lie down." He told her huskily, kissing her face, and guiding her down. Nick positioned himself between her and the back of the couch, in a spooning position. His right hand went to her hip, stroking it gently, and he continued to pepper her face with erotic kisses, leaving her wanton. Sara just concentrated on his talented hands, igniting fire all over her body. Slowly, his hand moved towards her stomach, tracing her belly button, and then rubbing gently with his fingertips. Sara turned in his arms so she was now flat on her back, his hand splayed out over her flat abdomen. She brought his head down to hers, giving him an appreciative, slow, lusty kiss.

"Thank you." She told him. His hand was still working at her stomach, and she let out a sigh at his slow, teasing, torture. He'd told her he didn't want to have sex with her tonight, but he continued to toy with her? How was that fair? She shivered when she felt his hand move north towards her breast, slipping a finger under her bra.

"We won't have sex tonight, but we can do other things." He whispered huskily into her mouth, making her groan. Sara kissed him passionately, letting him know that sounded like a great plan, heaving her chest upwards a little. She leaned towards him, and his hand went to her bra, unclasping it at her back and freeing her breasts. Sara laid back flat again, and gasped when she felt his large hand enclose her roundness, squeezing her gently. He spent the next few minutes giving her breasts equal attention, massaging at them gently at first, but then with more ardor and passion. Her chest was heaving on its own accord now, as he pushed her shirt and bra up, exposing her breasts to his eyes. He took them in for a moment before dipping down and laving each one with hot, wet kisses.

Sara thought she might explode when she felt his hand travel southward and pop the button of her jeans. She readjusted her hips in anticipation as Nick slowly and enticingly undid her zipper. His hand returned to her abdomen, stroking it gently as he showered her with long, wet kisses. Finally, he crept his fingers down and plunged his hand down into her curls, hearing her moan. Nick used two fingers to trace sure circles at her labia, giving her kisses all over her face. Sara's hips instinctively lifted from the couch, trying to create more friction. Her jeans were a little stiff, so Sara finally reached down and pushed them off her hips, so they sat just under her bottom now. Her finger went to his hand, encouraging him along as she looked into his eyes. His strokes were firm and powerful, but still slow. Sara's hand played at his strong, muscular forearm as he continued. Nick occasionally kissed her lips softly, and traveled down to her breasts, licking and gently sucking at them. Inserting two fingers, Nick curled them upwards and created a delicious rhythm, feeling her walls clasp around him. Her hips started meeting his hand at each thrust, and soon she was pushed over the edge. Nick continued to stroke her until her breathing calmed, giving her gentle kisses as she recovered.

Finally, his hand returned to her stomach, stroking it gently after her vocal climax. For the next few minutes, they continued to make out lazily, hearing the sounds of their appreciative kisses. Nick pulled her shirt down and gave her one last kiss on her forehead before nestling against her.

"Thank you." Sara whispered again, pulling her jeans back over her hips.

"'Salright, babe." He whispered back. "Go to sleep now."

And they fell asleep in each other's arms, their relationship now changed forever for the better, with so much more to look forward to.


End file.
